St. Lawrence, who lived in the third century, served the local Roman church as a deacon, which meant his job was to help meet the needs of the poor. Unfortunately, his generosity proved to be bad news, as it apparently gave Roman emperor Valerian the impression that the church was rolling in cash. Valerian, accordingly, decided to start murdering church leaders until they forked it over, starting with Pope Sixtus II (via Britannica).

On August 6, A.D. 258, the Roman authorities cornered Lawrence and gave him three days to hand over the church’s treasures or else face execution (via “Catholic Encyclopedia,” posted at New Advent). Lawrence instead spent the next 72 hours giving away every last cent in the church’s coffers to the poor; when the Roman guards showed up to demand the cash, he famously responded that the real treasures of the church were the poor (via Aleteia).

Valerian, who had wanted money, not a bunch of poor people, ordered that Lawrence be laid on a red-hot grill and seared to death. After what must have felt like hours of agony, though, Lawrence landed one last zinger, telling his executioners, “Look, wretch, you have me well done on one side, turn me over and eat!” The guards were not amused, and simply cranked up the heat.

For that final quip, Lawrence is venerated as the patron saint of cooks and comedians.